WHITE LOTUS – Season 3, Episode 3 – Snakes, Scammers & the Yacht of Doom

We could pretend this episode was about character development, but let’s be real—this was Walton Goggins’ world, and we’re just uncomfortable in it. Saxon is an HR disaster, Greg is the worst liar alive, Rick is one bad decision away from unleashing actual hell, and the monkeys are still watching. White Lotus is White Lotusing, and Episode 3 was one giant ticking time bomb.

The Ratliffs: Detoxing Their Way Into Disaster

The episode opens with Victoria having a dream sequence straight out of a disaster movie, featuring ominous skies, foreboding dialogue, and the strong feeling that someone is definitely not making it home. Lochlan literally foreshadows doom, delivering the ultimate line “This is what it looks like before a tsunami.” Victoria does what she does best—stares dramatically into the distance and remains high enough to ignore all warning signs.

Meanwhile, Tim is still digging his own grave, taking very shady phone calls before deciding the best way to cover his tracks is to force the entire family into a digital detox. Because yeah, taking everyone’s phones away won’t seem suspicious at all, Tim. And if that wasn’t enough, Tim is also sneaking Victoria’s pills and straight-up lying about it. Sir, you’re unraveling in real time. Victoria is too high to really process it, but let’s be honest—she knows something is off. She just doesn’t care enough to press him on it. First, he’s controlling the phones, now he’s self-medicating—at this rate, how long before he completely loses control?

Rick: Stoned, Sympathetic, and Snake Jesus

Rick and Chelsea decide to take a break from their relationship woes by attending a casual snake show—because that’s a normal activity for a couple with deep-seated trust issues. Stoned out of his mind, Rick wanders into the snake room and, in a move that can only be described as “what happens when a super stoned guy gets way too emotional about captive animals,” he frees the damn snakes. Like, Rick, what the fuck are you doing?

But here’s the thing: the snake imagery is everywhere.

• Last week, snake sounds were woven into the background music whenever Rick and Chelsea were onscreen.
• Chelsea was looking at snake jewelry when the robbery happened.
• Now Rick is literally breaking open snake cages, mirroring the boutique robbery where the snake choker was stolen.

The metaphor is screaming at us—Rick is the snake. And as long as Chelsea stays with him, she’s going to get bitten. (Cue her getting stung by a scorpion immediately after he frees the snakes.) Her line, “Snakes are evil. Read the Bible!” wasn’t just a throwaway—this entire season is about predators, and Chelsea is standing right next to one.

Saxon: Still Creepy, Just Less Overt About It

Speaking of predators, Saxon may not have gone full cabinet-smashing psychopath this episode, but don’t be fooled—he’s still oozing entitlement and testing boundaries in ways that make your skin crawl. Case in point: his poolside chat with Lochlan, where he dramatically asks, “What are we going to do without our phones?” Ummm, I don’t know, drink protein shakes and fuck? (He didn’t say that—but let’s be real, he was thinking it.)

And then there’s his dinner moment with Chloe—he locks in on her with a lingering, predatory stare, and Gary sees it. While Gary might not be the jealous type (he literally paid for Chloe), he’s still not thrilled about someone else eyeing his property. If he thinks someone is interfering with his arrangement, that might change real fast. White Lotus has always been a show about power, and it feels like we just saw one shift in real-time.

Belinda: Haunting or Just Bad Vibes?

Belinda is thriving at The White Lotus—indulging in spa treatments and possibly questionable wellness experiences with Pornchai. But things take a turn at dinner when she spots Greg (ahem, Gary). She knows him from somewhere, and when she puts it together that he was the man who swooped in and stole Tanya away, crushing her business dreams in the process, the tension skyrockets.

And then there’s the weird noises in her room. Given that Thai culture deeply believes in spirits, and the fact that White Lotus loves a good symbolic haunting, I need to ask—is Tanya back to haunt Greg? Because let’s be honest, if anyone would come back as a petty ghost, it’s our girl Tanya.

Kate, Jaclyn, & Laurie: Snakes and Vipers, Indeed

Kate, Jaclyn, and Laurie are still the most toxic friend group on vacation, but now the claws are really coming out. The standout moment? Kate getting grilled about being a Trump supporter. The way Jaclyn and Laurie side-eye her, the way Kate scrambles to call herself an “independent” (girl, you’re literally the definition of dependence), and the way they start gossiping about her as soon as she leaves the room? Chef’s kiss. Kate loved being in on the gossip when it wasn’t about her—but now? She’s on the other side of it. And she hates it. I expect Kate to go full villain soon—whether that means throwing someone else under the bus or setting her sights on revenge gossip.

Valentin, Gaitok, and a Whole Lot of Shady Business

Gaitok is trying to prove himself worthy by attempting to become a bodyguard for Sritala, but the two existing bodyguards? Not impressed. They straight-up call him a pussy, saying he failed to keep the hotel safe during the robbery. Makes you wonder… were they in on it? Because Valentin sure as hell seems to be.

And speaking of Valentin—his “Shipping” tattoo? Yeah, that’s not suspicious at all. Import/export guys on TV are always tied to the mafia, and something tells me Valentin’s “massage” career is just his side hustle.

Greg/Gary & The Yacht Invite of Doom

Greg/Gary is out here telling the absolute worst lies about Tanya’s death. “She just walked into the ocean and never came back.” Oh, okay, sure, GARY. Not sketchy at all. But the most interesting part? Chloe is taking notes.

Something about Chloe feels way too calculated—did you notice how her accent shifted from French Canadian to American when she was talking to Saxon? That’s some expert scammer behavior. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chloe knows exactly what Greg did to Tanya. Maybe she’s running her own long con—because let’s be real, she didn’t just randomly attach herself to Chelsea in Episode 1. Now, she and Gary are inviting Chelsea and Rick onto the yacht, and if there’s one thing we know about White Lotus, it’s that nothing good happens on a boat.

The Monkeys Are Plotting Something

The monkey chaos theory is officially gaining traction. They’re creeping closer, stealing more important items, and if they end up grabbing a gun, well…
We all laughed when I said the monkeys were going to be the murderers. But when that happens? Just remember who called it first.

Final Thoughts: The Tsunami is Coming

Between boats, betrayals, and Rick quite literally unleashing chaos, Episode 3 felt like one giant warning siren. Tim is popping stolen pills and pretending he’s still in control, Greg/Gary is getting reckless with his lies, and Saxon? Well, Saxon’s just one drink away from doing something we can’t take back. But the biggest red flag of all? Rick.

The snake theme is blaring at full volume, Chelsea is already getting stung, and Rick—stoned, spiraling, and sympathizing with literal vipers—is practically begging for disaster to follow him. And next week? We’re heading out to sea. With the gays?

We all know what that means.

Buckle up—because White Lotus is about to go full-throttle into disaster.

That’s a wrap!
Let me know your thoughts!

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