February 17, 2025

WHITE LOTUS – Season 3, Episode 1 – LET’S DISCUSS!

Welcome to Thailand—Now Check Your Baggage

As we all know, a stay at the White Lotus (AKA the Four Seasons Resort Koh Samui) is never just about wellness, fresh fruit platters, and transcendental meditation. Beneath the pristine facade of luxury lies something much darker. And this season? We’re in Thailand, where a new batch of ultra-privileged, deeply dysfunctional guests have arrived, each bringing their own set of issues. Let’s break down who checked in.

The Ratliff Family

Meet Timothy Ratliff, a wealthy financier with a penchant for power moves and a wife, Victoria (Parker Posey), who keeps her pill collection closer than her husband. Their three kids? A case study in family dysfunction.

Saxon (Patrick Schwarzenegger—yes, Arnold’s son): Privileged, cocky, and obsessed with power, money, and women. He went to Duke (like Dad), works with Dad, and spends an uncomfortable amount of time discussing whether or not his hot younger sister, Piper, is sleeping around.
Piper: The middle child, majoring in religious studies with a keen interest in Buddhism. She wants to interview a monk, and apparently, that’s enough reason to drag the whole family to Thailand.
Lochlan: The youngest, still in high school, dealing with his own, um, self-discoveries—like staring at his brother’s body in the mirror before sneaking off to the bathroom for some alone time.

The Ratliff sibling dynamic is… bizarre. Saxon is weirdly fixated on Piper’s sex life, and Lochlan seems to be fixated on Saxon. Yikes.

The Couple

Then there’s Rick Hatchett and his younger, ex-yoga-instructor girlfriend, Chelsea. Rick is an absolute grump—moody, mysterious, and definitely not here for the green juices. He’s laser-focused on meeting the husband of Sritala Hollinger, one of the owners of the White Lotus. Why? TBD. But something tells me it’s not for a friendly handshake. Chelsea, on the other hand, seems to be enjoying the vacation far more than her relationship. She handles Rick’s moods well, but it’s clear she’s in it for the travel perks more than the man himself.

The Friends

Ah, the midlife crisis crew. Three blonde besties, here to escape reality on their own personal “victory tour.”

Jaclyn Lemon: Celebrity TV star, leader of the pack, and the one who footed the bill for this lavish trip.
Kate & Laurie: Childhood friends-turned-adult frenemies. They seem to both envy and resent each other, and let’s be honest—Laurie is 100% the third wheel.

They’re assigned Valentin, the most requested (and hottest) health mentor at the resort. Can’t wait to see who ends up in his bed first.

The Healer Returns

Yes, Belinda from Season 1 is back! She’s in Thailand on a three-month work exchange to expand her healing expertise. Maybe this time, she’ll finally get the financial backing she was promised in Hawaii. But considering this is White Lotus, probably not.

The Opening Scene: A Body Floats, Chaos Ensues

As always, White Lotus kicks off with a death. A young man named Zion is meditating by the water, trying to find inner peace, when gunshots ring out. He prays to the Buddha for safety, only to witness a body floating past in the hotel moat. Oh, and did I mention Zion’s mother appears to be Belinda?

Then we rewind to one week earlier. A sailboat full of entitled strangers approaches the harbor, blissfully unaware of the drama about to unfold.

Vacation Vibes (Or Lack Thereof)

Saxon’s Struggles

Saxon is already sexually frustrated. He got dismissed by a group of older women at the pool (cougars, he calls them), and Chelsea isn’t giving him any attention either. “It’s good to want things,” he tells Lochlan, “as long as you can get them.” Yeah, because that’s worked out so well for literally every man on this show. Meanwhile, Lochlan seems more interested in naked male bodies than anything else.

Chelsea’s Unexpected Encounter

At dinner, Chelsea meets Chloe, a woman her age who is venting about her boyfriend, an older bald white guy—known locally as an LBH (Loser Back Home). The camera then pans to reveal said boyfriend, and who is it? None other than Greg. Yes, that Greg. Tanya’s husband Greg. The same Greg who conspired with Quentin in Season 2 to off Tanya and inherit her fortune. And now, he’s rebranded as “Gary” on Koh Samui? This. Is. Huge.

Trouble in Paradise for the Ratliffs

Meanwhile, Timothy gets a call from a Wall Street Journal reporter asking for a comment on an exposé about one of his former colleagues. The camera zooms out, showing the Ratliffs sitting in bed, looking like complete strangers in a foreign land.

And just like that, the foundation for another season of secrets, lies, and inevitable disaster is set. Welcome to White Lotus: Thailand. Let’s see who makes it out alive.

XX
Until next week!