March 18, 2018

Lulu and Latte’s DO’S and DON’TS of FLYING

When I became a travel agent two years ago, I knew I would be stepping up my travel but I didn’t realize how much flying I would actually be doing. I have written some of my random flight rants on Facebook but I felt it was time to really hand out my Do’s and Don’ts of FLYING. This is not an attack on anyone, it’s just my own personal list that I think would help create a better flying experience for everyone.

DO’S

DO give your toddler Dramamine. The plane is not a playground. Knock him/her the fuck out.

DO ask your children to sit face forward. Nobody wants to play peek-a-boo on any flight over 20 minutes. Nobody, I promise.

DO take a shower before you arrive at the airport. That means wash your body, brush your teeth and put on fucking deodorant. Flying next to someone who has body odor makes for the world’s worst experience. Don’t be that person
DO say hello to the people in your row. No need to be rude. Who knows when you may need to get out to use the bathroom.
DO share your outlet. If there are two outlets, do not be the person that needs to charge both devices. It is just common courtesy.
DO listen to how long the pilot says the flight will be until touchdown. For example, when the pilot says the flight to Florida will be 3 hours and 10 minutes. Do not look like a deer in headlights when it’s been 2 hours and 49 minutes and you haven’t landed. Do the math.
DO buy an extra seat if you think you will be unable to fit on one. I have no issues with anyone being overweight (we all struggle) but if I am paying hundreds of dollars for my seat, I would like to sit on the whole damn thing.
DO agree to sit in the exit row only if you are seriously going to help out in an emergency. I am definitely guilty of this. If the plane is going down, there is not a shot I am pitching in. I will have already had a severe panic attack and died. Be the person who can actually save the day.
DO buy a neck pillow. It works. Would you want some random stranger sleeping on you?

DO offer your Biscoff cookies, pretzels or any other miniscule snack the flight attendant hands you to the person next to you if you do not want them. I guarantee your neighbor will be grateful.
DO stand up when someone needs to get into the seat next to you. Do not make them climb over you. Nobody wants your ass in their face.
DO check behind you before your recline your seat. If the person in back of you happens to have their tray table down, there is a good chance their scalding hot coffee will land on their lap. Get the drift?

DON’TS

DON’T and I repeat DON’T try to squeeze into GROUP 1 when your boarding ticket clearly says GROUP 4. You are not special.
DON’T decide to get divorced on an airplane (yes this happened next to me – remember?) It makes for an extremely awkward situation

DON’T eat a tuna sandwich or anything that remotely smells like fish. Just don’t.
DON’T bring any food that makes crumbs. It’s hard enough to eat in a 2 by 2 but I don’t need your mess on my seat.
DON’T be the overhead space hogger. Place your bag in vertically not horizontally. The overhead compartment does not have your name on it.
DON’T wear sandals on a plane. Nobody wants to see your disgusting feet (I don’t care how beautifully pedicured they are). Wear sneakers and don’t take them off!

DON’T give yourself a makeover at 30,000 feet. As much as I would love a makeup lesson, I don’t need to watch you applying yours for 2 hours.
DON’T watch 50 Shades of Grey or anything that involves major sex scenes. Do I really have to elaborate?
DON’T have sex on a commercial flight in pubic. Join the mile high club or fly private!

DON’T leave the light on during a redeye when everyone is trying to sleep. Bring a reading light if you must.
DON’T roll your eyes when someone tells you that you are in the wrong seat. Most likely you are and, sorry, you can’t have my window seat.
DON’T board a plane sick. For gd sakes, just don’t. Nobody wants your snotty tissues and hacking cough near them. EVER.
DON’T be the asshole who tries to cut the line when deboarding. There is a flow, follow it.
DON’T clap every time the pilot lands. It’s his job. No one claps for me at the end of everyday.

p.s… one little tidbit in case you didn’t know… that hook you see on the tray table…it is store your headphones!