The Updated Mitzvah Gift Giving Guide
This is the year. The year of the Bar Mitzvah madness. I re-read my Gift Giving Guidelines and realized it needed a major update!!! So here is the new and updated guide! These numbers are not a hard and fast rule. They are also figures I didn’t pulled out of the sky. I asked A LOT of friends and neighbors. The gifts people are giving in Livingston NJ may not be the same as in Austin, Texas. It’s also a reason I may be homeless next year. This is just a GUIDE. It goes without saying you give what you can! The Mitzvah is a about the celebration and not about the gift but people asked, so I asked and this is what I was told:
MITZVAH GIVING GUIDELINE
- a friend – $36 ($54-$100 if its a close friend and parents not invited)
- a camp friend – $54-72 (Long Island peeps tend to give $72)
- if your child can’t go – $18 (UNLESS it’s a good friend $36)
- you and your spouse (no kids)$300, $318, $354 (depending on level of friendship) (or def $318 if your kids should have been invited and weren’t!)
- you and your spouse with 1 kid – $318,$354, $372, $400 (depending on level of friendship)
- you and your spouse with 2 kids – $400-$500 (unless its totally random and you have no idea why your kids were invited $354)
- you and your spouse with 3 kids – $500
- 4+ kids (good luck, maybe try not to get invited…just kidding) $500+
- your BFF – $418-518 (with your family)
- Single Parent – you and your child $$218-254, you and your two kids $$272-318, you and your three kids $354,$372,$400 (depending on friendship)
- Grandparents – as much as you can 🙂
- B’nai Mitzvah – DOUBLE ($36 each kid – two separate checks if kid going, family of 3, $300 each (so yes a total of $600), family of 4, $400 each, family of 5, $500 each, ETC)
- Couple invited but can’t go $218,$254
Hope this helps!
Agree/Disagree? Thoughts? (please comment below). I would love to know your thoughts.
I also learned a new thing this year. Apparently if just your kid is invited, you send the gift (as in check) back in the RSVP! This saves time, a card AND no issue of your kid losing the card. But if bringing a card, I found a WAY better way to make gift giving easy! Personalize your own Mitzvah Money Card Holders! They come in sets of 25 cards and available in Lulu’s Store – starting at $60 for 25 cards.
Also, I jumped on it when I saw it – the The tween must-have bag to wear to the Mitzvah’s this year is the Jelly Bag. Perfect size for the girls cellphones! They LOVE them!
$39 JELLY BAG IN BLACK, PINK and ROYAL BLUE with gunmetal hardware.
Or another fave for the girls is the heart clutch! Super cute!
$45 Love Clutch in Lulu’s Store
HAPPY MITZVAH SEASON!!!
XX
p.s would love to hear your thoughts on gift gifting!
This is very interesting. I went through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah phase about 15-18 years ago. I would have loved this guide. It would be really great if you would do the same guide for weddings, although I know this is not your readership. I am finding it very difficult to figure out how much to give or how much to spend on a registry item.
Possible Categories:
Destination wedding (hotel stay with airfare)
Was shower hostess but still need to buy a gift
Already gave engagement gift and shower gift
Whole family invited
For my grown kids:
single person attending friend’s wedding
single person with a “plus-one” invite
Weddings are a lot more complicated and a lot more expensive, so it’s hard to know what host/hostess/bride/groom’s expectations are.
Here in the Midwest, I’d say that the gift giving is… lower key.
But I will say that just about every kid who sent their check ahead of time did so as a separate card (really, their mom did, of course). I was told that it’s ‘not as nice’ to send the check in the RSVP because it looks like you were trying to avoid buying a stamp and card.
Kids who already had their Bar Mitzvah usually used their Thank You stationery to write a personal note instead of a card.
Israel bonds can be used as the perfect gift, starting at just $36!
Thoughts on if you are invited as a family but can’t go.
What about when you decline the invite!!!!!!!
I have been invited to services with lunch immediately following and not the night party (which is reserved for kids and family). What is the appropriate amount for a day only invite? Thank you so much for this post!
This list bothers me so, so much, on so many levels. There is no cut and dried monetary formula for celebrating a happy event with a family. Every family has different economic constraints, beliefs and feelings about what an appropriate fight should be (and it might not even be money!!!!).
Re-read the beginning. There is no cut and dry list. This is not titled this is what you have to give or should give. I clearly said I asked around and this is what people kept saying they were giving so I compiled a list of what people were giving in my town. Use it if it’s helpful and don’t if it’s not.
Love your guide and all of your posts! Ideas about this scenario…My daughter is sharing her mitzvah with a boy from Hebrew school. While they are friendly, we have had NO contact with the family (we won’t even meet until the day before). Each of us sent an invitation to the other’s kid knowing they wouldn’t be able to attend each other’s parties. I want to send a gift with the RSVP, but I have no idea what’s appropriate. The kids probably won’t see each other after all’s done.
Let me know what you think!
We need you to update your bat mitzvah gift giving guide, PLEASE!
A new season is upon us with zoom, services, but in person parties with paperless post invites.
HELP!
XO Moms of 7th graders