3am with Amy Selling – June 23rd

It’s 2:55am, where am I? In my car. Can you believe it? ITS 3AM AND I AM IN MY CAR!!!

Why? Because I can’t bear to listen to the dog cry for one more minute.

Day 7 and the dog HATES the crate. Hate is an understatement. The screaming, crying and pawing to get out of it is unbearable. I thought it would get better. No shot. Instead of moving him to my room, I moved to my car. I haven’t slept in a week and I am starting to lose my shit. I have tried everything. Covering the crate, a hot water bottle, a shirt, and a ticking clock. I refuse to give in but I had no idea ferberizing could last this long. My kids were sleep trained in three nights. I don’t want to speak to anyone who says to me after I explain my situation “oh, that sucks, my dog LOVED the crate. He still loves it, goes in all the time.” BLAH BLAH BLAH. Happy for you.  It’s like when your kid is 4 months old and he/she is still not sleeping through the night and your friends are like “OH, my kid was sleeping through the night at 8 weeks.” Worst.

As I am sitting my car writing this, I am debating driving over to the Westminster and getting a room. The issue with that is if I see ONE person I know, yes, that’s possible, their first thought will be I am having marital issues. The last thing I need in my life right now are rumors flying around Livingston that Greg and I are getting divorced when in reality I am hiding from a 14 week old puppy.

When I was a little girl, I used to sleep at my neighbor’s house. Her father had a huge truck and we used to set up camp in the back of the truck. Sleeping bags, pillows, snacks, etc. We thought we were so cool sleeping out in her dad’s ghetto truck on her driveway. Thirty years later, the idea of sleeping in the back of my truck seems crazy to me. I seriously don’t know what is worse. Someone spotting me at the Westminster or my neighbor catching me camping out in my truck. I don’t really want to spend the money on the hotel room either. I have been eyeing these Gucci sandals for a few weeks and would rather have them then a night’s sleep at the Westminster.

A few random thoughts while I am sitting her contemplating driving over to Westminster

1. If you do decide to get a puppy don’t let me dissuade you, just know if you don’t know your neighbors now, you will know all of them in a week. Who knew that getting a dog would bring out the neighborhood. I have been living on my block for almost 5 years and there were STILL neighbors I haven’t met UNTIL this past week. Get a dog = meet your neighbors.
2. Having issues going to the bathroom, buy Royal Flush from Liquietira. Guaranteed to send you to the loo in 30 minutes flat after you drink your last  Works every time. $8.50 – worth it.             
3. Last week home with kiddos before camp. Do I plan a ton of activities? Do I let them chill the fuck out since they have been non stop since September?
4. Did you listen to Sia on Howard this week? A-mazing! Still astonished by her talent.
5. Fargo? See the show this season? Coen brothers did a phenomenal job. Billy Bob Thorton was brilliant, scary but brilliant. Don’t miss it!
6. I still can’t figure out what Zach sleeps in at camp. I sure hope it is not his bathing suit. He can’t seem to give me a straight answer.
7. Favorite Facebook Post of the week goes to Melissa Lowy:

So peeps if you see me at the Westminster, I am not having an affair, I am not having marital issues, I am hiding from the dog. Don’t be surprised if you hear I left town on the camp bus with Zach on Saturday.

xx