Divorce your Birkin, Divorce your Husband…no literally!
Divorce is hard. We all know someone affected by it in some way, shape or form. Whether you yourself have been divorced, a friend, relative, brother or sister, we all know someone. I could list a million reasons WHY people get divorced but the truth is no matter what the reason is, it is hard. I don’t think this is a funny or light topic to discuss but I do think once you get through the mess of it there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. If you are having a hard time finding that light, I put this piece together to try to help the best way I can – sharing knowledge.
Before I decided to share this story, you should know with everything I write, I always get consent. My friend, Amanda, who this story is about, is pretty much a rock star in my book and I am giving her major kudos for letting me share. By the way, her name has been changed (it’s not really Amanda).
Amanda caught her husband cheating several months ago. She literally “caught” him with a girl in she knew in town.
The story went down like this: Josh (Amanda’s husband whose name has been changed as well) told Amanda that night he had a business meeting in the city but truth was he was out to dinner with the other girl. Amanda’s friend, Liza, happened to be at the same restaurant the night of his fake business meeting and she caught him red-handed. Josh called Liza after his dinner and he tried to squirm his way out of it. Liza told Josh either she was telling Amanda or he was. She figured since it was Amanda’s husband she should let Josh be the one to confess. Josh said he would tell Amanda.
But he didn’t. Liza waited and waited but Josh never said a word and continued on with the affair. Finally, after two weeks, Liza had enough. She came clean to Amanda and told her the whole story. Amanda, who of course was stunned and beside herself, didn’t want to believe her. But she started to think back to Josh’s weird behavior in the past few months. The business trips, the late nights, his aloofness and the way he was always protecting his cell phone. Amanda started to freak out. What in the world was she going to do?? Her last job was 15 years ago, she had 3 kids, and Josh was her entire life.
She confronted him and he surprisingly he admitted it. He came forth with everything and told her he was in love with the other girl. Amanda was shattered.
She made the decision to file for divorce. She just had no idea how she was going to be able to afford it. She didn’t want to lose her children, their beautiful house on Long Island or her lifestyle. She knew she needed the best lawyer money could buy but she didn’t really have any of her “own” money. Her parents weren’t in the best position to help her and her sister was in a worse place than her. All the great lawyers asked for a retainer of at least $10k and charged between $400-$500/an hour. Yikes!
What’s a girl to do? Amanda’s friend, who recently went through the a similar situation, told Amanda she HAD to use Flexborrow. Although Flexborrow may sound like an infomercial, it is anything BUT that! I am being upfront with you when I tell you I called Flexborrow before I decided to write about them. I wanted to make sure this is a company I believed in and I felt it would be beneficial to women going through divorce. It turns out Flexborrow is a 100% a business to help woman in time of need. Who wants to keep their engagement ring after they find out their husband was cheating on them? Do you want to keep a wedding band that will bring back memories of a messy divorce? Do you have a Cartier bracelet from Valentine’s day? A Gucci bag from your birthday?
You can “loan” your assets to Flexborrow, they will appraise them and hand you over a check in 24 hours of the appraised value of your items. Your assets are kept in a vault and at time of settlement or when you can pay back the loan, your assets are returned to you. There is a small interest charge but like any loan that is to be expected. They loan between $1,000-1,000,000 and they never check your credit score. This is not the type of loan that gets reported to a credit agency. Loans are based upon your assets so there is no reason for banks or credit agencies to have any knowledge of your loan. In fact, NO ONE knows the details of your loan except you and a handful of senior members of Flexborrow. It is discreet and secure. You can learn more about them here. They are located in Jericho, NY, on the Gold Coast of Long Island but their services are offered throughout the country. Amanda told me they were beyond professional. Amanda also said Susan, the lady that helped her, was incredible. She said and I quote “it was the first positive experience she had since the day she found out Josh was cheating.” I should mention that Flexborrow helps women before, during, and after divorce when a number of different crises can arise and obviously there are so many reasons for divorce, not just cheating. They not only help woman who are in a divorce situation, but they can help a woman who wants to send her child to private school, camp, teen tour, etc.
Amanda hired a lawyer, has a court date set and is currently moving forward with the divorce. Flexborrow helped her in a way she knew she would never be able to help herself.
I called my grandmother when I told her I was writing this article for her words of wisdom. My grandmother, 82, who got divorced when it was not “acceptable” to get divorced said to me: “Amy, there is nothing more debilitating than a bad marriage. Divorce is a very difficult experience for everyone, whether you are the one leaving or you are the one being left. However, there is always a choice, you can continue to stay in a bad marriage or liberate yourself through divorce. It takes a lot of courage to break up a home or actually end a marriage. BUT if most people could see past the lawyers, the negotiations and the mess, they would realize that divorce gives people a fresh start to a new life.”
I passed on these words of wisdom to Amanda. I know she will be okay, she will find a job, she will meet someone and life will eventually become a new normal. She has her family, her friends and her health which is what matters most anyway.
Flexborrow, North Broadway Suite 242, Jericho, NY 11753. 888.963.0850
Disclosure: This post has been sponsored.
I think you mentioned her real name in there accidentally…you may want to edit.
How do you know if was her real name? I think there may be more than one Amanda in the world whose husband cheated on her… !!!
There is a place in the city called Circa that buys jewelry. Can always see what they would give you. No interest there. The lawyers I use require a 30k retainer and 750 per hour. Tell her to settle her divorce and save her money and the anguish of the next 2 years of what will be hell. Judge’s dont care if cheating is involved and the lawyers will get dirty. I am divorced and I initiated it. Thankfully no cheating, just despised him. All is well that ends well and hopefully your friend will also have a fairytale ending. Good luck
Amy, interesting article. The company serves an important purpose but legal fees should be paid out of marital monies, i.e., income or savings. I would hate for a woman to have to monetize her treasured belongings to fund litigation, while her husband funds his through joint funds.
Typically, if necessary, a supported spouse asks the court to compel her husband to pay her legal fees or to permit her use marital savings/assets to do so. I wonder how this sort of arrangement would affect a woman’s application for counsel fees. I wonder if a judge would tell her to sell her stuff instead of looking to her husband to pay outstanding fees.
I love your blogs… I saw this article last night & thought you would enjoy it.Marriage Isn’t For You
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.
Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. 🙂 I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.
Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?
Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.
Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.
My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.
No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.
But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.
I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.
To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.
And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.
Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you. It’s for others.
Very interesting . . . would have helped me 7 years ago when I left a cheating husband. Instead had to borrow from my parents. While trying to get legal fees paid for out of marital assets is great in an ideal situation it is not always possible. My divorce was very complicated and resulted in a job loss for my ex, so I knew that legal fees weren’t going to be paid. Interestingly enough as we progressed and have had to go to court over the years for a variety of custody changes I now represent myself. The judges love it!!
Flex borrow sounds like a high profile pawnshop!
@neeli – I think the point is many men close the soon to be “ex” out of the checking account or in many cases she doesn’t know where the money is.. (i.e. the surgeon who all of a sudden becomes a carpenter, it happens). I agree regarding the legal fees but the bottom line is that only amounts to a small percentage of the entire deal. Also if there is a loan on the jewelry, she will most likely not have to disclose it as an asset in her “net worth statement.” I believe the big picture is make sure you are properly represented, get what you are worth, get the correct amount of child support & alimony and do NOT let him OVER lawyer you! It is not a pretty picture when you are not represented.
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Divorce your Birkin, Divorce your Husband…no literally! | Lulu and Lattes
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Divorce your Birkin, Divorce your Husband…no literally! | Lulu and Lattes