A little advice from the Aunt!
So yesterday I became an aunt. It was an exciting day. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law brought the cutest little peanut into the world, River Kelman Selling.
When I got to the hospital it all came flooding back to me. Labor, Delivery and everything that goes along with it. There is a reason most of us don’t remember any of it. I think if women remembered everything so vividly maybe they wouldn’t have the 2nd or 3rd or 4th kid. But most of us do it again. When I walked in there I wanted to tell Alissa everything she should possibly know that nobody, including her mother was going to tell her. So I did tell her maybe one or two things but it wasn’t the right time so I figured I would write it so she could have some recovery reading.
Alissa –
1) Steal the pads and all the stuff for your vajayjay. The hospital has the BEST supplies and you should stock up on it. I don’t care if you didn’t tear. You are on drugs and they haven’t worn off. Take all the shit, I promise you, it comes in handy!
2) Because the baby hasn’t squeaked, cried or opened his eyes doesn’t mean anything. Just wait for those 2 little weeks to go by. I can guarantee you will have a kid that makes noise, A LOT. He is in baby coma TODAY.
3) Read this sentence 10 times. The first 3-4 months anything goes, after month 3-4 –SCHEDULE. I do not care how fricking cute your kid is…do not under any circumstance let little River sleep in your bed after month 4. Bad things will happen. Just because they seem so innocent ,they are very, very smart. It will take YEARS of getting them out.
4) Swaddle. Read the book “The Happiest Baby on the Block”. It saved my life and it will save yours!
5) Breast feeding – have an end month in mind. I find it very bizarre to see 1 year olds still sucking on their mothers boob. I do believe they have teeth by then.
6) The witching hour 4-6pm. Don’t believe me, just wait. Since you live in Brooklyn and driving around the block 100 times is unlikely. Stroll, stroll, stroll. Picking up smoking for those few weeks is completely understandable!
7) It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel like you lost a part of yourself and your life was turned upside down in minutes. It is okay to feel guilty about having these feelings. They will subside and you will realize what the true meaning of being a mother really is all about. But remember you are not the only one who has ever felt this way. We have all been there.
8) The faster you have little R in the crib, the easier it will be to put him in there. Sleeping in a car seat is good for like the first 6 weeks. I had a friend that used to put her kid in the stroller to sleep before we went out. It worked but it was a major process to transition her into the crib. MAJOR!
9) They all catch up. If baby River is not crawling by 8 months and all of his little 8 month friends are, don’t sweat it. He may walk before he crawls.
10) Don’t worry about fever virus. They all get it. He could have a fever for 5 days, it will go away…same thing with strep, cocksackie, ear infections, colds, etc. Don’t fret. They all get sick.
11) My advice on babysitters. Get one. Not your mother or mother in-law. A SITTER. We were fortunate enough to have Shannon in our lives when Zach was a mere 4 months. We had a Halloween party and left him for the first time, with someone (Shannon) that wasn’t a “grandparent”. Of course he got sick, threw up but she never called us and handled it perfectly. Have faith. There are some good ones out there. For the sake of your marriage, sanity and his development, find one. The best thing we did for our kids was leaving them maybe a few hours here and there with someone else. It helps with separation issues(school), allows you to go out without a fuss AND it definitely creates independence in children that nobody can teach them. Just make sure the sitter is not too “hot”!
12) Set boundaries with the grandparents. They will spoil, spoil, spoil. They will let him get away with murder. They will let him do things you would never want them to do because it’s “easier than saying no.” Some things you have to let slide and other things you have to be firm about. Call me, lol.
13) Sleep training – Everybody that knows me, knows I am a sleep nazi. I trained my kids like nobody’s business. The faster your kid sleeps through the night, the happier you will be. If he sleeps through the night after 2 nights, that is it! He can do it. DO NOT GO IN THERE AGAIN. We will discuss this further when it is time. Anybody that thinks it is mean to let your kid “cry it out”, do not listen to them. It is the same person who thinks it’s mean to crate train a dog. Blah blah.
14) Talk to me after month 4 for my second list of things your mother will never tell you.
Alissa – your life will never be the same as it was on Sunday. It will be deeper, more meaningful, and filled with so many emotions you can’t imagine where they all came from. You may believe that you will never love another child the way you love your first. I promise you, you will. Write down everything, take a million photos, and call me when you feel like screaming!
xx
A
You are spot on! Alissa listen to Amy!
Can’t agree with #12 !
@nanapatti, LOL. It is rhetorical. I know you will be the best NANA!!! xx
Couldn’t agree more with EVERYTHING! Dylan was NEVER in my bed but my sister had a nightmare…I learned from her mistakes! At the hospital, I forget the name of it. I called it the vaj spray…but it was like solarcaine for the nether region! So if they still have it…TAKE IT! Also those tiny bottles of formula…if you can find that closet…GET UM JUST IN CASE! I totally had that witching hour too! OMG HORRIBLE…until I found the cure…WASHING MACHINE/DRYER!!! Cant tell you how many hours I sat in my laundry room crying until my husband came home. ANDDDD THE SITTER! Couldn’t agree more…find one immediately use her often and Don’t feel guilty…just do it.
Great advice. I’d like to add that gathering and relying on your tribe is huge. Mommy friends, family members, even close friebds who may not be moms. Having people to text or call for advice, to laugh with, cry or scream with. Mommy hood can be overwhelming and I’ve found that other moms are invaluable to my sanity. It really helps to have women around you who “get it.” And most moms want to be there for each other which is great.
Mazel tov to Alissa! And might I add that parenting isn’t a science – no one way will work. Find what works best for you and stick with it. And when all else fails, call the sitter and go get a pedicure 🙂
@heather – 100% relying on tribe is KEY!!! @ Kristy – washing machine/dryer..whatever works, right?? @Beth,parenting is def NOT a science I could not agree with you more. I believe it is just figuring out what works as long as its not a bad habit that will kick you in the ass later!
Amy I am so flattered that you wrote a blog about me! You will be the best Auntie to River. xoxo
LOVED meeting the famous Amy today; you’ve got loads of fans in The Hills!
Totally agree with #1 and #4!
Alissa –
in response to #5, to each his own. It is not for you to say when someone should stop breast feeding.
In response to #12, my husband and I are the disciplinarians in our house. My mother, aka the best grandmother ever, spoils our kids rotten and they are so very lucky to have her. It is not her job to ‘lay down the law’ – she already did that when she was a parent to young kids. It is her job to indulge them in a way that we won’t (which she does) while keeping them safe (which she does) and to have them adore her (which they do) because of the amount of love and attention she gives them. My mother has taught me what kind of grandparent I want to be and our family is more balanced and definitely happier because of her. Everyone should be as lucky as my kids when it comes to grandparents.