Is turning 40 the new “mid-life” crisis?
Last week I had back to school night. You know, the night you have a chance to meet the teachers who will be instructing your kids for the next eight months. My favorite part of the whole night is looking around the room to see the parents in my kids class. I watch who is taking notes, who is looking at their phones and who is scoping out the other parents . I also wonder if everybody leaves having the same feelings about the teacher that I have.
In the middle of the teacher’s presentation, I looked around the room and I thought to myself HOW DID I GET HERE?? 2 kids, married and almost 40!
All I have been hearing about lately is boob jobs, botox, divorces and affairs.
I have been hearing about the summer when both kids went to sleep away camp and they were left home with their spouses for 7 weeks. One friend said “It was like when we first started dating except we both realized we grew apart and didn’t want this anymore”. Another friend said “it was the best thing that happened to our marriage, we spent so much quality time together. ”
I am beginning to think that the midlife crisis is somewhere around the age of 40 and not 50!
I have heard from 5 separate people that they are bored, need to find a job but don’t “really” want to go back to work. I know, first hand, how hard it is to find a job after being out of the corporate world for so long. Many of us come up with the “work from home” plan. Sell “Rodan + Fields”, “Mary Kay”, “Stella & Dot”, “whatever makes money and I can be home plan”.
Emotional affairs are rampant, online sexting is easy, and marriage is harder. Remember the beginning….having sex to hot music? staying up all night? Where did that go?
Instead maybe you are “watching” Masters of Sex on Showtime. (Is that good? I haven’t seen it yet?)
Look at Simon Cowell. Girlfriend for years, has an affair with Lauren Silverman, the 36-year old socialite and knocks her up! These stories are nothing new. We are ALL just here. We have entered this “40 something, what do we do now phase”.
I went to a Dave Matthews Concert recently and I looked around and realized everybody was my age. I used to see the same people when I was 20. We all got older. I wonder if Dave knows his audience is 40. He must. Hey, if you are single it is a great place to meet someone, lol.
When I went in to talk Dr. Plastic about the mommy makeover, he said “you know, you are the perfect age.”
Right..almost 40.
In my almost 40 years I have learned a lot of things, though…
I learned I will never be a great cook, I will never be the domestic goddess that my husband wants me to be, I will never have the body of a 20 year-old or the body he married 12 years ago. I will never be as hot as the blond chick at the bar. I will never be the number on the scale that I have tried so hard to get back to for so many god damn years.
BUT..
I have also learned to be a stronger, more self-assured person. I have learned to not let people walk on me. I have learned who my friends are and definitely who they aren’t. I have learned what it means to be a parent. I have learned what it means to be a loving (not always patient)wife, I have learned (after many failed attempts) how to be a “true” friend, and I have learned how to be more confident in bed (if you haven’t gotten better in bed, find a new partner.. by 40 you should be killing it and ladies if you aren’t sleeping with your husband, someone else will!).
I didn’t read self-help books. I grew up. I had kids, I made new friends, amazing memories and I created a more fulfilling life. I look back now and I don’t know how I got here so fast.
I was at a charity event this past week. We were playing mahjonng and a friend turned to me and said, “you know what, I love being 40. I don’t have any of the bullshit in my life anymore”.
Truth is, nor do I. I do not have ANY of the bullshit in my life anymore. I learned how to weed it out and how to accept me for me. If 40 means I don’t have the perfect boobs, the perfect marriage, the perfect job. So be it. At least I finally know who I am and what I want in my life. I have a great marriage, amazing kids and some pretty awesome friends. It may have taken me 40 years to get here (well 39) at least I am here. I don’t want to go back in time. I only want to take what I know and move forward with it.
You feel me?
Well said. Call me about Parent’s Night and my son, “Texas Pete”. Fascinating story, true and fun to share with you “flock”.
Ummm…my virtual friend? 40 isn’t the “new” midlife crisis, it’s the ORIGINAL mid-life crisis!! Me…I’m in my last year with a “4” in front of it. 8 more months and then it changes. Not that I’m counting. More like holding on…
Loved this post!!!! Can totally relate
@Mitchell..Thank you! I will def call to hear story. @Tamara, funny I always thought mid-life crisis was 50, not 40!! and thank you@someone!
Well said Amy! I think turning 50 is Mid Life Crisis Part 2…stayed tuned!
Well, I’m more optimistic about my chances of living to 80 than I am about the odds of living to 100…most of the (end of the “4’s” ) people I know are actually calming down at this point. Let me tell you that there were some crazy moments in this last decade here in T-fly…
If you think you “get it” now, wait until you hit your 50’s. I only wish that I had this confidence in my 20-40’s. You become much more at peace with yourself. It’s ok not to be the best body on the beach (as long as you’re not the worst, lol) and it’s ok if you don’t “have it all” because what you do have is pretty darn good. Sex can be mind blowing because you KNOW each other and there’s no shyness. Most importantly, you’ve removed most of the BS people from your life and are left with some amazing, caring, fun-loving friends.
At the end of the day, in it’s simplest form, isn’t real quality of life defined by how much laughing you do while living it?
@jeri… I CAN wait, lol. I agree with all you said, the mind blowing sex (lol), I FINALLY removed the BS (took me years) and it is true…the quality of life is defined by how much laughing you do while living it. Thank you for your amazing response! xx
Amazing, I’m 8 days away from my 40th and every word you write is true!!!! I’m looking forward to being 40 and fabulous
Amy – I was in the same boat as those 5 people you know who say they are bored but don’t want a job. Send them my way 🙂 – I’d be happy to add them to my team! I sell Rodan + Fields (love the mention, by the way!) and never thought I’d be a network marketer. The business world has changed (not for the better, if you’re in a position to be looking for a job), and R+F has essentially empowered me to have this business for a very reasonable initial investment – there’s no way I could start my own business for this kind of money – and without completely recreating the wheel. At 42 (and having been a SAHM for the past 7 years), there was also no way I was going to go back into a corporate environment and have someone else tell me how much vacation I could take, if I could be home to pick my kids up from the bus, go to their school activities, etc. Having been through four layoffs (between my husband and myself) since 2002, I refuse to be a “victim of circumstance” any more. No regrets – so glad I opened my mind & changed my way of thinking.
Amy, this is SPOT on! I absolutely loved reading this! It is everything that has been on my mind since I am turning 40 this year. I will be 40 and be done with any nonsense! Everything toxic will be left with my 30’s! I know exactly the kind of person I am and am DONE with the bullshit! I agree, I never want to go back….I look forward to positive energy, good friends, being a good friend, parent, being true, strong and wise! I guess I should start being in love with my life, and enjoy every minute of it, because life is just too short!
love it you’re spot on about everything Its take me longer to get there almost 60!!!
My friend calls it “trimming the fat’ and she’s not referring to Dr Plastic (hysterical) but just the extra, the bullshit you talk about. While I think 40 is a transitional time, I’m also kind of bored of every group of friends talking about “how old we are”. And now I’m obsessing about whether I’m “killing it in bed” and I thought I left the insecurities behind. Great Post.
I appreciate what you are trying to say but this is brutal. Stop thinking so much. You sound like a 20 year old turning 40 instead of a 39 year old turning 40. You aren’t a kid. Why are you acting like one. You are supposed to grow with each passing year and you are supposed to improve your adventure. The fact that all you’re thinking back is recapturing or giving up on your high school glory makes you sound like the prom queen who can’t handle not being the prom queen anymore. Maybe you need more direction in your life or better hobbies or friends. Desperate housewife is not a good look.
@don I believe you missed the whole point AND I hated high school. I believe you have this all wrong but thanks for sharing your lovely comments.
You are so right on so many levels with this article. I feel the same way, I am not totally where I want to be in mind, body & spirit yet, but I am a lot closer to it then I ever was before. I definitely relate it to growing up. Weeding out the bad. The drama and the aggravation. I separated from my husband 6 years ago & divorced 4 years ago, after a 16 year marriage. I am with someone new & have been for 5 years now. Better in bed is an understatement. Not sure if it is the age or the partner. Either way I/we love it. I am not afraid of turning 40. I hear so many people saying that they do not want to turn 40. That it is all down hill after that. I on the other hand look forward to it. I have learned so much about my self & look forward to learning so much more. I have learned how petty some people & things can be & learned that I am strong enough to walk away from it with out it bothering me. I am not selfish I just choose not to be a part of it any more. I have about a year & 1 month till I turn 40. It is something I am looking forward to as each day passes.
@ Don- It is not a desperate housewife thing. It is a Women growing into a Lady & a Lady into a Woman. During the whole article Amy states that the older she gets the better she feels. She has learned from her passed & has & is using it for good for herself & others.
Midlife is really not defined as an age, but a growing realisation that the end is perhaps closer than the start! We all stop and assess our lives at some point. Needless to say, if you’ve been living every day as though you are still 20 it can come as a bit of a shock. That’s when we risk a midlife crisis.
For men, some sort of trauma related to their health, career or relationships can lead to a midlife crisis. This is why we’ve created http://emidlife.com. It’s a website devoted to helping men to successfully manage the midlife transition. Working with subject matter experts in the fields of physical, financial and social well-being, we deliver great advice and opportunities to act.
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This is so me. I turned 40in January and I’ve had these exact thoughts lately. Thank you for showing me it isn’t *just* me.
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Is turning 40 the new “mid-life” crisis? – Lulu and Lattes | Lulu and Lattes
Just read this “turning 40” blog from 2013 AFTER reading your recent “divorce” blog… I am a couple of years older than you but in the same boat… got new boobs at 40, lipo at 45… marriage has gone downhill for these past 10 years… finally just started couples therapy but not sure how it’s going to go… as I’ve watched your transition (I kno… social media, which is why I keep wondering) I was surprised to see you get divorced. I guess everyone’s situation is different, but I definitely do not feel like this is not a fairytale! I appreciate you sharing you personal life and feelings…