The Rules of Facebook

Facebook. Craziest invention in my lifetime. PERIOD. Some would say it is the IPhone. Some would say it is the Internet. Some would say it is keyless driving. I think all those things are amazing but in my eyes, Facebook tops all of it. I LOVE Facebook. Most of you know that. I post often but I try to post relevant, funny things that are not the same pictures of my kids over and over. Personally I like to see pics of your kids but not everyday.

I would like to believe I was one of the first people on Facebook (in my circle of friends, anyway). It is a remarkable thing that I can be “facebook” friends with people I went to High School with 20 years ago, college friends I used to party with and nursery school kids I used to have playdates with.  I get daily updates on their kids, I see where they are living, working, exercising, eating, etc. I know who is straight, who came out of the closet, who hasn’t come out of the closet yet (how can’t his wife not know?), who is married, and who is divorced. I know who is a doctor, lawyer, yoga instructor, teacher, musician, etc. I even know where my first friend ever went on vacation last week. Isn’t it just bizarre??!!

When I started out on Facebook, I connected with a million friends old and new. It was great. I loved seeing where everyone was in their life and what they were up to.  Things were going along just fine……

AND THEN MY MOM JOINED FACEBOOK!

The second I saw “Your mom” has added you as a friend, I should have called her IMMEDIATELY. I should have called her and said “Mom, if you want to be on Facebook these are the rules”. Instead I accepted her friendship and went on my merry way.

Things like this started to happen….

My brother’s birthday. INSTEAD OF posting on his wall like every other person on Facebook. My mother just writes a post to the whole world of Facebook “Happy Birthday Adam”. In the off-chance that my brother sees it would be a miracle.

My son’s name is ZACH. NOT ZACK. When your own mother comments on a post and writes  “Zack is so cute in that picture”, I want to hide. My son is 9, it is bad enough she spells his name wrong to me. BUT when you post that on Facebook and every single person I know sees that comment, it is mortifying. I have to immediately delete the comment and text her to tell her to spell it Zach. I am not kidding when I sent her that text she texted me back and said I KNOW AMY I AM WORKING ON IT! ZACH ZACH ZACH. I mean at least she is trying but UGH!!

You know how when you are tagged in a picture and all your friends can see it? IF I see one of my girlfriends tagged in a picture and the person who posted the picture of  her I do not know, I usually don’t comment. It is awkward and I feel weird commenting on somebody’s picture I do not know. Well my mother did not get that memo.  My husband was tagged in a WORK picture with his  boss. My mother commented on the picture. “Greg, just adorable.” Um, yes she did. I was like NO!!!!!!!!!!

I post pictures of an array of different things. On Friday I posted this:

 

On Tuesday I posted this:

(that is my kid, maybe he is going to be a stand-up, who knows)

One day (don’t know the exact day) I posted a picture of this:

My mother instead of “LIKING” the picture (which is fine and all her friends could see it) “SHARED” the picture. Now I am sorry , but this is basically saying her daughter (me) should have been a stripper?! I understand why it is funny but she is sharing the picture FROM ME! Get it? Again, not funny and totally embarrassing.

Do you see where I am going with all of this? I feel like there needs to be a set of rules for parents to abide by. I know the internet thing is a whole new world for them. I realize that Facebook could be a very tricky and dangerous slope if one does not know how to navigate it.

Since some of you are still kicking yourselves for not immediately addressing “the rules” upon accepting. Here are a few basic tenants that all moms and MILS must follow. Feel free to share this list with them or trust they will read them on your husband’s boss’s timeline.

PARENTS

1) Do not LIKE everything your kid posts.

When I post a picture of some random thing I am eating, Mom – you don’t need to “like” that picture

2) Do not friend all your kids friends.

Unless it is a really close friend that you have met  several times, Please do not friend them! I will tell you what is up, no need to spy on my friends.

3) Do not embarrass your kid online

Please do not post pictures of me as a baby, in camp, when my hair was dyed blond and I thought it looked good. You may think they are cute but they are super embarrassing!

4) Do not post 50 times a day

I know it is exciting. Facebook is an amazing toy. But nobody wants to read what you have to say more than MAYBE once a day. Unless it is something dire that nobody knows yet – Like you are the first to report that Kate Middleton had a baby boy otherwise keep it to a bare minimum.

5) Do not comment on everything your kid posts

Every time I post an update, picture or video, PLEASE do not comment on every single thing I post. Pick and choose. Also please do not be the first one to comment. If you are DYING to comment, please just wait until at least two or three other people comment.

6) Unless you know the poster do not comment

If I am tagged in a picture with someone you do not know that posted the picture. DO NOT COMMENT. The person who posted it does not know you and I cannot explain how much I would want to hide under the bed if you commented. It is THAT embarrassing.

I think if all parents abided by these rules it would allow your kids to go on Facebook without thinking of a clever way to defriend their own parent. I know whenever it is Zach is “ALLOWED” to join Facebook I will adhere to these rules as much as I can.

p.s. my mom was an amazing sport when I read her this before I posted it! She laughed, took it in stride,and asked me how to post “Happy Birthday” on a timeline. This, my friends, is why she rocks!