For the first time in The Affair’s history, it opens in the future unclear of whose POV it is, yet. The flash forward takes place in Gottlieb’s office with his associate trying to figure out what exactly happened the night of Scotty’s murder. After watching that video, Gottlieb puts together a theory about Alison and Scotty having a fling one night, she got pregnant and the baby is Scotty’s. We all know this fling was with Cole so sorry Gottlieb as much as you are on the right track, Alison never had any interest in Scotty. I still believe Scotty meant this is OUR baby as in the Lockhart’s. Scotty was the ONLY ONE who saw Alison with Cole that night of their one night stand. Helen walks into Gottlieb’s office and….
PART ONE: HELEN (here we go)
Back in the present at Williams College (Helen & Noah’s alma mater), Helen is taking Whitney on a college tour. Whitney could not seem less interested and she is more focused on creating a Tinder profile for her mama. Because you know, Helen only has at least five good years left. Are 45ish year-olds on Tinder? Obviously I have been out of the dating loop for some time but I thought Tinder was mostly 20/30 year-olds, no? Whitney’s reference to William’s as, “Hogwarts without the magic”, sums up her excitement to be there in a nutshell.
MOTEL, HOTEL, HOLIDAY INN
They head back to the “motel” where Whitney is miserable staying. I guess Margaret really wrote Helen off. Helen tells her to get over it because she will be staying with “Chrissy” anyway and won’t have to be bothered with sleeping in a motel (as if the dorm room will be a higher quality of standards for Whitney). Whitney confesses to Helen that she doesn’t even want to do the college thing. She says (best line), “I don’t want to spend four years training to spend my life in a cubicle and then spend my life in a cubicle.” She wants to travel to Japan or London. (don’t we all) but what she really wants is to move to New York and become a model. (Such an odd thing to say since she currently lives in Brooklyn. I think this would make more sense if Whitney said “move to the city”…right?) This year has been a whirlwind for Whitney. Love, pregnancy, abortion, a photographer tells her she should be a model so now she is going to forgo four years of college to become a model. Can’t wait to see what next week brings. Treem does such an amazing job of showing the true teenager that Whitney is… she doesn’t even know her social security number for gd sakes. But she can give advice on when to swipe right. Whitney’s final blow to Helen “I’m not gonna live off my parents for the rest of my fucking life” is somewhat ironic. The thought of staying in a motel room grosses Whitney out and worse her belief if she sleeps on Chrissy’s futon she will surely get bedbugs. I have no idea how she could ever survive on her own at eighteen.
Helen and Whitney run into Noah on their way to meet Chrissy. Noah’s on his book tour and he had no clue Whitney was going on a college tour this weekend. Noah’s mind is on one thing and it’s not his kids whereabouts. Eden, Noah’s ridiculously gorgeous yet bitchy publicist, checks the iCAL (ew, did you hear how she said that?) to see if it was an oversight. Whitney is all over upgrading to Noah’s hotel (of course) but Helen isn’t having it. Next thing we know Whitney is headed down the street with her new friend and dorm host. Noah invites Helen’s to his reading to which Helen is like, Uh, no.
A middle of a POV flash forward (another first), Helen is back in Gottlieb’s office concerned about Noah’s future. Gottlieb mentions he does have one alternative suspect…(cough, Alison)
Helen’s big decision of the night is whether to attend the reading or swipe right. I was very happy with her choice and it seems Noah was as well. He spots Helen right away and gives her a look of “can you believe this is happening.” I was curious about the passage Noah picked to read as we know most of the book is about Alison but we have our answer soon enough (in Noah’s POV). Interestingly enough, this “fiction” piece of literature (is this lit?) seems very much non–fiction. The passage Noah chose to read was about the day Noah & Helen left their Harlem fifth-floor walk-up. It was the first time Noah accepted the Butler’s money to buy the Brooklyn brownstone. This was the beginning of their marital “Descent.”
Helen & Noah are off to Nonna’s for some Falafel Waffles (hmm, sounds gross but going to take Helen’s word for it). I guess after a year (remember Whitney mentioned that it’s a year later in the beginning) they can actually sit down, order a huge pitcher of beer and reminisce. We learn that Helen hasn’t spoken to her mom since the day she left (which is why I they are shacking it up in a motel), Noah can’t just be happy about his success (he is the flavor of the week) and Helen blames herself for Whitney not wanting to go to college. Noah talks some sense into Helen and realizes how much she was like Whitney at her age. (By the way, I have a hard time picturing Helen running through the library naked during finals).
After a nice night out, Helen and Noah’s date is over. Did you notice how fast the cab arrives to pick up Helen? Like 3 seconds. Noah invites Helen to her suite because he knows how much she hates cheap sheets (good line, Noah…now we know where Whitney gets it from). Helen says no, thankfully, as she realizes what a terrible idea that would be and it would be!
Flash Forward to the future…Helen & Noah are at Martin’s wrestling match together. (I am glad Martin is doing better) (Does Helen work anymore? Just curious). As Helen will do anything to prove Noah is innocent, she swipes Joanie’s pacifier for some DNA evidence. Did you sense a little of her guilt, though?
PART TWO: NOAH
We begin the same day with Noah running on the Treadmill next to a VERY hot girl who just so happens to be reading Descent. Who reads a book running on a treadmill. Can you? Eden sends over rave reviews from. The Guardian, The New Yorker, the Los Angeles Times, and Vanity Fair. Wow, I am impressed. Noah is on Cloud 9 until reality sets in when Noah Skypes with Alison. Alison is super excited to show Noah the finished nursery but Noah’s only concern is the fact that his desk is in the hallway. Alison mentions her five month check up. How is she five months pregnant? She seriously looked eight months pregnant at Thanksgiving, didn’t she? Their relationship now is painful to watch. You can feel their fiery love ending as Noah is making it big and Alison has now become the stay-at-home mom. Alison’s last line “You just want it all,” seems to be Noah’s MO as the show carries on.
The one negative review of Descent was written by Ernest Schifbaum in a college newspaper. Ernest describes Descent as Porn by another name which makes Noah nuts. The fact that The New Yorker gave Descent glowing reviews means nothing compared to a college student review.
The line outside the bookstore is the same line Helen saw so we know this is no exaggeration. Is it me or is Eden the prettiest publicist ever? I don’t know how Alison could deal with that.
We learn that Noah actually began to read a passage about Alison but noticed Helen so he chose something more fitting. The importance of being Ernest lets Noah in on the fact that he did not win the PEN/Faulkner award. Do you realize that Ernest doesn’t even exist in Alison’s POV? Why? Because Ernest speaks volumes about Noah’s insecurities.
Funny how in Noah’s POV, all the girls at the Q&A who are drooling over him and we can’t forget Driving Miss Daisy who leaves Noah her number.
Helen is AMAZING in this scene. I love drunk Helen. Her and I would be good friends. Eden is annoying and texts Noah a million times. Finally Helen has had it and reads Eden’s text which says she is suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out). I was laughing when Helen asked the millennial’s what does FOMO mean? So since we are on the topic… Let’s see how good you are at millennial tweets without looking it up or asking your kids… Can you answer these?
First one to submit the right answers wins a giveaway from the holiday guide!!! Please email me email@example.com with each sentence written out with the correct answer.
Noah begins to whine about how hard it is to be a man in 2015 and Helen is like look this is so not my job anymore. Best part of this scene is when Helen snags the phone number Driving Miss Daisy gave to Noah and says “tell Alison she owes me one.” Like I said, love drunk Helen! Somehow the abortion that Helen had with Noah comes up when she was 19 and all I was thinking was Alison must be pregnant with Noah’s kid bc he is the master of impregnating.
This incredible scene is interrupted when Ernest Shitbomb shows up and Noah can’t help but want to slaughter him. Helen asks him to stop acting like her father to which Noah replies you mean BRUCE BUTTHOLE. But Helen makes it very clear what she means when she says “You have been looking for this kind of attention your entire life, and now that you’re finally getting it, I think that you are a little drunk on the power.” I believe she has hit the nail on the head, folks. She goes on to tell him that he is not a dick but really needs to be careful. I was relieved when Helen got Noah to leave but once Helen is in a cab, Noah can’t help himself and makes a very bad drunk decision to face Ernest. Very, very bad. He tries to punch him but ends up on the bar while this is all being videotaped (by the millennials).
GARDEN OF EDEN
Eden shows up at Noah’s hotel room to save the day. She tells Noah, because she is the master publicist, “Congratulations, you’re now a bad boy of the literary world.” And without further ado, the newer shinier model has entered the picture (remember Helen warned Alison about this when Alison showed up at Helen’s brownstone). But after some hot and heavy kissing, Eden puts an end to it. Funny that its her decision not mix business with pleasure. After all, she says, “They have a very long tour.”
So let’s get this straight: Alison is five months pregnant and Noah already cheated on her. I hope to gd Alison did not sell that house! Also Whitney was never shown ONCE in Noah’s POV…
Flash forward: Helen shows up at Gottlieb’s with the pacifier. My only question is this… IF the DNA comes back showing it’s Cole’s. Is Scotty’s and Cole’s DNA so similar it can show a difference?? hmmm
Good luck with the Quiz!
Until next week!!! Thoughts?
(*Millennial Tweet Quiz was used as a sales exercise at Greg’s office)