After watching these horrible Thanksgiving dinners, I am THANKFUL mine should be nothing like this (or jeez I hope).
PART ONE : ALISON
The Book Party
First let’s get the timeline straight. Alison is very much pregnant, like 5 months or 6 months and it’s Thanksgiving. Somehow, Someway Noah’s book has been published and its available in bookstores in record time. It is inconceivable to me that in the publishing world this could ever happen this fast but what do I know?
The show opens at Noah’s Book party during the Thanksgiving Day Parade in Harry’s apartment. Who has a book party ON THANKSGIVING?? Alison is miserable. Her Blahnik’s are killing her feet, she has to make small talk with people she cannot relate to and winds up answering questions to Cynthia Rainer, The New York Post’s gossip columnist. Eden, Noah’s ever so gorgeous and bitchy publicist, let’s Alison in on who she just spilled the beans to and she should not be talking to anyone else before clearing it with her. EW.
Alison resorts to the kitchen where the staff is cleaning and prepping – a much more comfortable and familiar world for her. Alison tries to get Noah to leave (I mean it is THANKSGIVING) but Jonathan Franzen wants to meet Noah for a drink first. How could he say no, its work for him. But he swears he won’t forget the turkey on the way home. Alison heads back to the apartment to meet Athena.
The Trillion Dollar Apartment
It looks like Athena is staying for a year with the amount of baggage she brought to Alison’s. The new apartment is magnificent. Athena lets Alison in on a secret that it wasn’t actually her grandmother, Joan (AH now we know who Alison’s daughter Joanie was named after), who left Alison the Montauk home, it was Athena. At least Athena tried to do something right by Alison. Athena is super upset that Alison is selling her home (as she should be). But how did they really have the down payment for this apartment if the house is in escrow? Max’s contribution is pennies. Did HELEN help pay for these digs so her children can sleep comfortably or did the whooping book advance allow for such a luxury? Alison and Athena prepare a Thanksgiving dinner from Joan’s 1927 cookbook except for the Dean & Deluca pre-cooked turkey. Maybe Athena can come over and help me prepare my dinner. I am starting to really like her…
Jane, Alison’s friend and waitress buddy from Montauk, shows up for turkey and is set up with Max. After a martini or 10? Max and Jane need a room. Seems insane they are hooking up 3 minutes after meeting each other but hey, why not. By the way, Alison’s stomach looks super fake in this scene. It looks like they stuffed a pillow under her dress. One mention here – did you notice that Alison lied to Jane about visiting Montauk. I am sure this will come back to bite her in the ass. Athena has an idea. She tells Jane to put her tongue back into her own mouth and let’s listen to the baby’s heartbeat. I know Alison used to be a nurse but she just happens to have a stethoscope lying around? Noah shows up WITH Eden (UGH) and WITHOUT the turkey. How someone forgets to pick up the turkey on Thanksgiving is beyond me but apparently Noah was having a good ol time with Franzen. Also Noah is definitely not into hearing the heartbeat, could it be anymore obvious? I wonder if she let Noah in on the fact that this baby is not his… hmmm.
Time for Turkey
Noah gets a call from Helen who is looking for Whitney. Whitney being Whitney told Helen she was at Noah’s and Whitney told Noah she would be having turkey with Helen. Little did we know at the time she was actually in a car with Cole headed back to the city (more on that later).
Max has his arm around Jane at the dinner table. Eden is busy on her cell phone looking up flights while Max is toasting and then Eden gets an update on her Twitter feed. Cynthia Raizen has not waited more than three hours to release the news to Page Six that the now famous Noah Solloway has a pregnant girlfriend before he is even divorced. Oh no, Noah. Bad press, already? Eden is all like don’t worry, Noah, just align yourself with the events in Descent and all should be okay.
Alison can’t take one more second and loses her shit in front of a table full of guests. She admits she read Descent cover to cover and if Noah goes along with this it would make Alison out to be someone she is not. Plus they have very mixed views on what really did happen in Season 1. For example: The Alison & Cole sex on the car scene, Alison begging Noah to come to the hospital when her grandmother was dying. I mean he kills Alison at the end of the book. Alison asks Noah, “Did that happen? Am I remembering that part correctly?”
Noah tries to convince Alison that Harry “made him” write that ending. Hmmm, really? I think I recall him dreaming about it all season…
And then the doorbell rings, Guess who??
Gottlieb has Alison in his office to ask some benign questions about her involvement with Scotty. Yes, she left the wedding before Scotty but they were on good term. However, Scotty wasn’t thrilled with what happened with Lobster Roll but that was between him and Cole. Seems innocent enough.
A few questions:
So that was pretty much a depressing first half and a severely distorted one.
- I would LOVE to know how Alison had enough time to attend a book party, make an entire dinner with baked PIES, and kill time with Jane and Max waiting for Noah?
- Is it me or does Alison look like she is 8 months pregnant?
- Has Alison not seen an OBGYN that this is the FIRST time she is hearing the heartbeat?? WTF
- How does Noah still not know about Max and Helen?
- Didn’t Alison and Noah just move into this apartment? It’s literally furnished, painted and perfected from top to bottom. I have been living in my house for five years and I still have a half the house to do.
PART 2: COLE
I love a scene opening to Cole having sex but the”Te Amo”and losing the erection really killed it. Luisa isn’t sure why Cole lost his erection but she invites him to Queens for Thanksgiving to which Cole could not be less interested in. It goes so far that he comes up with the dumbest excuse – that he is seeing his family. Luisa calls Cole on the erection issue and Cole’s response is to go get muffins. How about bagels? Muffins???
The scene in the Bagel Shop is super awkward (funny that it looks like the shop in Sag Harbor). Cole runs into Scotty who he just sent to voicemail. Scotty is still obsessed with this nightclub idea and shows Cole this god awful tattoo of the nightclub logo. Cole is not impressed and wants to get out of there but Scotty can’t help mentioning Luisa because you know, according to Scotty, Luisa is only sleeping with Cole for her green card. Such an awesome brother that Scotty! Oscar obviously walks in, looking his best I may add, spewing about Descent and how he gave Noah all his juice for the novel. Cole and Scotty both have no clue about Noah’s new book but it left Cole wondering.
Cole returns home to Luisa, who I definitely thought left at this point, and accuses her of stealing his money clip with $150. Luisa tells Cole he can go fuck himself (as she should have) and leaves. Good going Cole. But it seems that was his intention.
Cole heads into town to the bookstore to pick up a copy of Descent. Please tell me what bookstore is open on Thanksgiving? He goes home, devours the book, and decides, after all, to have Turkey with his family.
Cole is home with his fam drinking Grandpa Silas’ moonshine and catching up on Mary Kate’s miscarriage while watching Scotty secretly texting. Everyone makes a toast and Cole delivers a wonderful toast to “Noah Solloway.for writing his book, about Alison, about me, and about all of you.” The entire table is unsure what Cole is talking about until he reads aloud in detail about how their family (aka “The Rineharts) are a bunch of drug dealers and bootleggers. Cherry and Scotty are giving each other weirdo looks until Cole pulls it out of Cherry that this is actually true. Say what? Yeah, Grandfather Silas was a terrible person. He was a drunk who beat his wife and their father. Their grandmother had an affair with Oscar’s grandfather, Thomas Hodges, and knocked her up!! Grandpa Silas went ape shit when he found out the kid was not his and he drowned it!!! He was a baby killer. Cherry explains that their family is cursed. “The sins of the father are visited upon the children, and now it’s the grandchildren.” First it was Gabriel, then Scotty’s baby with Whitney, and now Mary Kate’s baby. Cherry’s final blow is when tells Cole “the last time I saw a man as bad off as you, he hung himself.” (obviously referring to his father). Cole gets up and storms out. Hmm which Thanksgiving was worse? Seems like Cole’s so far.
Cole is about to get into it with Scotty when guess who arrives?? Whitney ! She only wants to see Scotty on Turkey Day but Scotty flees and Cole offers to drive Whitney back to the city. Wow that is super nice of him! He is going to drive Whitney home from Montauk on the night of Thanksgiving. I would love to know how they made it to Noah’s apartment in record time. Doesn’t one have to take the LIE? This would make so much more sense if they took FlyBlade but the driving time sequence seems cray. Cole and Whitney have a heart to heart on this short ride back to the city. Cole gives Whitney the hard truth about Scotty – basically that he doesn’t like her the way she likes him. Whitney is pissed that Noah didn’t include her in his book but Cole, being the good guy that he is, suggests that maybe it’s because he was trying to protect her. Cole then let’s Whitney in on a secret about how is father hung himself at his 1oth birthday. Jesus. What kind of Thanksgiving is this?
Cole brings Whitney up to Noah’s fancy apartment. (This is who rang the doorbell in the Alison’s POV) They exchange some very fake words and Cole heads to Queens for his second Thanksgiving of the night. What time is it??? It must be 11pm at this point, no? When did he stop for a bottle of wine? Luisa opens the door, they make up and Cole delivers my favorite line of the episode “I may not be good for much, but I am good for my word.” Love you Cole. Cole tells Luisa he loves her in spanish and we can hear the wedding bells in the background (okay, not literally).
We are back in Gottlieb’s office in the future. Gottlieb is viewing video footage of Alison & Scotty fighting. He can’t make out what they are saying but Oscar can… Apparently Scotty is saying to Alison ‘That’s OUR baby.” What does he mean by this? Well he didn’t say that is MY baby. It’s not Oscar’s baby because they had sex over a year ago. So yes, it is Cole’s baby. As in The Lockhart’s baby.
Until next week! What did you think? I wasn’t in love with this episode. Thanksgiving was a big plate of depression. You agree?