It’s 3:37am. I am lying in bed thinking about how I can escape to the bathroom without the dog hearing me. Because once I take one foot out of bed he starts crying. I have to PEE!!!
While I am contemplating how to pull a Macgyver, here are my thoughts:
1. What the hell am I going to be for Halloween this year? I haven’t a clue how I am going to beat my Miley costume from last year. There is nothing eventful that happened this year. This could be the worst year for Halloween costumes ever. I thought about being Mork & Mindy but is that weird to bring Robin Williams back from the dead so fast?
2. Is it me or is it dawn of the squirrels? Every time I get in the car to drive somewhere there is a squirrel that appears out of nowhere in the middle of the road. I watched 3 people hit a squirrel at 3 different times. My dog chases them all day. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE.
3. So I created this incredible October 21 Day Challenge group (I am sure you have seen me talk about it on Facebook.) There are 90 people in the group and we are all supposed to start on Monday. Somehow one of the videos is missing. I would LOVE to know how that is even possible. I don’t remove the discs from the basement. I know the dog didn’t eat it and my kids have no idea. Of course they don’t. I am BUGGING OUT. By the way, the next one starts on Monday November 3rd, right after Halloween. How convenient is that? Perfect chance to toss out the candy. If you want in, email me firstname.lastname@example.org
4. Whoever created the number system at the deli sucks. I mean I know it works at some places but they should just ban it at Kings. Sometimes they use it, sometimes they don’t. I was there the other day, I got number 41. This woman walks behind me and walks to the other end of the counter. The man behind the deli counter says “Who’s next?”. The woman says “I am.” UM, WHAT? How about calling a number? Isn’t that what it is for? I was definitely next online. I looked at her like she had 10 heads (she knew at this point she fully cut the line) and then another man behind the deli counter says “Who is next?” Doesn’t call a number, nada. SO I say SO OBNOXIOUSLY “I DEFINITELY AM.” I see the woman smirk out of the corner of my eye. It took every thing inside of me not to go over to her and wipe that smirk off her face but I held my shit together, got my deli meat and left. If you are going to have a number system, use it!
5. That felt good to get that off my chest.
6. I have a few pet peeves in life. One of them is this…As most of you know I can’t do my hair. I hate blow drying it, it takes up too much time so I much prefer to get a blowout. It is my mommy treat during the week. HOWEVER, since this is my special “AMY” time, I prefer it to be exactly as I stated – a treat. I am not sure why people think it is okay to eat while they are getting a blowout. Like fine, you just worked out and you need a bar or some nuts or something of that nature, great. BUT who eats a bagel and cream cheese while they are getting a blowout? WHO? I was getting a blowout and this woman is chowing down a bagel and cream cheese while the cream cheese is soaking through the ends of the bagel about to fall onto her lap. I am so grossed out, I don’t want to look but I can’t stop. Hair salons need to stop offering bagels and cream cheese because apparently people think it is OKAY to eat them while they are getting blow dried. There is no consideration for the people sitting next to them. Maybe it’s me but I find it vile.
p.s this happens A LOT.
7. Speaking of blowouts, I was at Lash House this past week and Suzette suggested I try this satin pillowcase to maintain my lashes and blowouts. Now if you know anything about me, I HATE satin. Like satin to me is dirty porn. I think of red satin sheets with mirrors on the ceiling. But she swore up and down so I thought I would give it a whirl. I have to tell you, it works! I can’t believe my blowout has stayed for 3 days. I may be late to the satin rodeo of keeping your blowout in tact but girls, it works! I do think it is a little cheesy when I lay my head down at night but my hair is perfect in the am!
8. Joe shmo have fun in jail. Teresa this is NOT orange is the new black! Everybody gets caught….
9. What drug is Obama smoking? For the life of me I cannot understand why he is continuing flights in and out of West Africa. Why put our country at risk? Makes absolutely no sense. He has the opportunity to contain the Ebola crisis yet he’s not. WHY?
10. My fall pick for nail polish is Dress to Kilt by Essie! Kind of loving it!!!
11. I hope I don’t fall asleep at Kol Nidre tonight since I will have been up for like 20 hours.
12. Every year we do our annual break fast at Peter Luger’s in honor of Greg’s father. It is such a crazy concept if you think about it because when you are starving the ENTIRE day and break it with steak and potatoes, you are bound to eat like 20,000 calories which is more calories than I consume in a week. Thank gd this group is starting Monday. Oh, if you were in my September Group and didn’t get an invite for the October group.. PLEASE email me and I will send you the link. I have received so many emails saying people didn’t get the invite…I think something is screwed up with Facebook and the invite to a closed group part. Sorry! Don’t get me started with Facebook. I wish they would bring someone in to fix Facebook. So many problems with the hottest tool out there. Get it together people!!
13. So I am supposed to repent for all the sins of last year. Clear the board and start over. If I had to look back and change a few things, one I won’t share but the other would definitely be to stop saying shit so much in front of my kids. Like yesterday, I was talking to Zach and I told him to stop bullshitting me. I should probably stop that.
14. It seems as the though the jelly Cartier bracelet thing has really caught on for fundraisers. I think this month I will be selling the pink ones for $10 each (plus shipping) in honor of Breast Cancer. Proceeds will go to the foundation. Email me if you want one.
That’s all folks! Going to PEE!
Easy fast to the tribe!