Bathroom Reading – Keep Calm and Chive On

While watching SportsCenter, it may seem as though your husband is firinig off emails in the am BUT really he’s doing something else. He is actually “viewing” something else.  Something called “The Chive”.



I can tell you this, he is not just reading this on the train (if he is I am sure he is making sure nobody is looking over his shoulder). I could almost bet my life on it he is “viewing” it in the loo at work.  Don’t believe me? Check his Iphone/Ipad. I bet he has the APP. If he doesn’t …well, you can stop reading this.

I am sure you are thinking this is something pornographic. Well it is not, not really. I grabbed Greg’s Ipad the other night because I wanted to google something and it was the only electronic device in the near vicinity. I opened it and saw this:



At first glance, I was like WOOOOOOO. WHO IS THIS? and then I was like WHAT IS THIS? What website is he on?? OMG. IS HE KIDDING?! I mean this girl is HOT! I LOVE men but OMG. I started to freak out. Like how did he get this pic? This girl is not famous (well maybe now she is).   Is he on some porn site? What is this!!?? I take a deep breath and I see he is in this section called “Daily Afternoon Randomness”. Hmm. Okay. Was this girl just bored and decided to have someone shoot a pic of her and send it in to this site? BINGO! YES! That is exactly what she did as did countless other girls. But this is just the beginning.  There was no shot I was now going to spend my time googling something. My mouth was on the floor. The kicker was that he wasn’t even on a “website”. It was an APP. HE HAD THE FRICKING CHIVE APP!  I started to peruse….

So the app is broken down into these little sections. Every section is a simple photo gallery. But what is in these photo galleries is what makes this site one of the top viewed websites in the world. Yes, The Chive receives over 2,ooo,ooo page visits a day. How is that for a big WOW! Want to know more…. let’s talk about these little sections:

Section one – Daily Morning Awesomeness. Sounds awesome. It is. Everyday you get to see a new picture of something, well, awesome. Yesterday was this…



Pretty amazing. No idea where that is but if you know, comment below. I sure would like to watch a movie in the middle of nowhere in the water no less!

What I would do for the chance to be walking through Central Park and run into this fine fellow….




Section 2 :  Sooo…you got wasted

Self explanatory and really funny:



I would like to just interject here and say that I love that people send these pictures in. I think they should actually call this category “America’s Funniest Home Pictures for Adults”.


Sure hope that is not your daughter laying there! LOL.


This one is classic! How long do you think they stayed married?





Section 3 : Why Beat Around the Bush… Yoga Pants

The girls who take pictures of themselves (selfies) in these photos are called “Chivettes”. The readers are called “Chivers”. I believe the biggest attraction to this section is that they are just everyday, ordinary girls who look hot in yoga pants. Could be you or me? (could it?)



Do you know her? I feel like we all could, right?


Again, looks familiar! I may have worked out next to her today!! No idea!  Starting to understand why this website is so hot (and so is she!)??

Just an FYI – notice Bill Murray on the tee and on the IPhone in the first yoga pant pic? You will see Bill Murray all over the Chive. Every year Murray supports a different charity. This year he picked the Firehouse Subs Public Safety Foundation. The goal of the Foundation is to provide fire departments with badly-needed life saving equipment they might not otherwise be able to afford. Bill Murray had an idea, ‘If we want to raise some serious money for the firefighters this year, bring in the Chivers.’ – This is about the highest compliment an online community can earn (I would expect). 100% of all the proceeds of the Bill Murray merchandise sold on the Chive goes directly to this foundation. Pretty amazing stuff.

Section 4: And Now A Few Words Of Wisdom

Inspirational Quotes

This whole section on all inspiring quotes. You know the ones you see on Pinterest but these are better. This one I thought was great for all my haters. Haters gonna hate, right!



This is one of my favorites…


Section 5:  Mind the Gap

Hmm. Look closely at the picture. You can use your imagination to figure out what the “GAP” is!



Got it ? Wasn’t hard I am sure. Let’s just say there are about 10,000 more pics of “the gap”. Enough said.

Section 6: Whats the Fuuuu (WTF)

Not sure what they were thinking here!



Who wrote this book?


bookThis is basically my kid!



Have to love parents… I accept my kids for everything and anything but….



I think that is by far my favorite section. The drunk one is pretty hilarious as well. I know most guys spend their time looking at the girl pics but I think the WTF pics are REALLY funny! Want some more?


I am not sure how this is legal!  Did she actually buy a doggie collar?



This one, well… I just do not get it. What was she thinking this morning when she got dressed? Can someone please explain? I mean, REALLY?


The Chive has lots of other sections – some of them are so funny I can’t even do it justice. You really need to see for yourself.

Like “It’s Monday, you could use some motivation”




I love people and their sense of humor!



I could do this all day. I really could. The pictures are just priceless. I don’t really see the point of going into ALL  the girl sections but here are a few examples:

REDHEADS (lots and lots of readheads) I think redheads are beautiful. I always wondered what why men had an obsession with redheads. I don’t know if it’s because the carpet matches the drapes or what. Guys – fill me in!



FIT GIRLS (its pretty obvious girls who are fit look better than girls who are not).



OR (notice grandpa? – love that he is still trying!)



MAIL ORDER BRIDES (which one would you send away for and not return?)







There is also a section on Bras, Lingerie, College Girls, Tan Lines, etc etc etc. Now you understand why there are 2,000,000 page views a day and your husband is “viewing” this instead of the WSJ. Pictures are updated daily. Always new candy, every single day!

The last section I am going to talk about is “It’s Friday, you could use some photobombs”.  This is my all time favorite section. You know how you take a picture and sometimes something really funny turns up in the picture? A person or thing was in the picture without you noticing when the picture was taken.  Here are some great ones!


Whoops, sorry I ruined your wedding photos!



I would LOVE To know who took this photo! LOVE! Hil-fucking-larious!




I love that someone actually FRAMED this picture!


Died when I saw this! Like LAUGHED OUT LOUD! I Did he plan this? By the way, the matching outfits are stellar!





Want more? Check out “The Chive”. It is full of nothing but awesomeness! 100% COMPLETE AMAZING CONTENT. It was like the day my father introduced me to Howard Stern. It was one of the best gifts of my life. If you are not a chiver, I believe I turned you into one! I may have just given you a gift of a lifetime. Enjoy it! Oh and Ladies…. what I forgot to tell you, The Chive also has a sister partner called “The Berry” – that’s what SHE said! Check it out. It’s great!

A small look into “the Chive”










Share Your Thoughts

  1. OMG – that is HILARIOUS! I feel so uncool…not having heard of this before. Thanks for putting me in the know. I am tempted to “chive,” but do I really need another time-sucking activity??? I think it will be a matter of willpower — kind of like ignoring the ice cream in the freezer — once you know it’s there, how long before you can’t resist going after it!

    July 17, 2013 • 8:50 am •


    July 17, 2013 • 10:40 am •
  3. Amy

    Is this really my dad? Lol

    July 17, 2013 • 10:41 am •
  4. Jess

    LOVE!!!! U r just AWSOME!!!!! Xoxo

    July 17, 2013 • 6:24 pm •